The best way to "Let Go"

Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here.

I am sure many of us have read from somewhere, watched from somewhere and heard from somewhere that we should "let go" things, so that we can focus on the most important ones.

We have also met people who are achieved and at the same time relaxed, who seem to have everything under control. When asked, they tell you to let go and focus.

The problem is how and what to "Let Go".

To the extent of my understanding, there are two ways:

1. Pro-active: Really understand who we are and what we want. Then "Letting Go" will be

natural, because the action is essentially a choice.

2. Re-active: Wait for the required "changes" in our life and "Letting Go" will again be "natural". When those changes happen, we will, more often than not, be forced to let go certain things. That is probably not what we would want and probably we will experience discomfort or even pain, but the choice will seem and feel "natural" when we cannot afford not to let go, and in the end, it could be good for us too.

Either way, certain things are "Let Go" and our lives are shaped.

However, the first option seems obviously better. There, we focus on what matters to us and make the best use of our talents. There, we take the straight path and minimize the waste of our time and efforts. There, we experience less disruptions and are likely to reach higher mountains.

What if some of us cannot go for the first option?

That is me!

Sometimes, I hate myself for not being able to find out what I really am and want still yet.

Just to share a bit of my experience.

When I was on my previous job and had a lot of time to kill, I spent a lot of time trying to get the "unnecessary" details right, such as to transfer money one day before the Giro deduction, and to track the exact details of my stock transactions.

To me, that was important, because I believe I was doing everything I could to get my life under control and maximize the benefits. Even then, I knew I was spending too much time for the benefits, but I did not change or "Let Go".

Until the changes came to me.

I resigned from my job to go for a "better" one, which was retracted two weeks before my start date. After it became obvious that I could no longer stay at my previous company and it would be hard to find a comparable job outside, the "Let Go" happened so naturally that I did not even notice it.

I knew I could wait for a few more days to make the transfer. I knew I could be more accurate on the numbers. But I just was too lazy to do that. And sometimes, I even skipped it entirely.

Now, my life has returned to the new normal and still I do not want to get into the old habit again. Even if I try to force myself to, the voice against it would be so strong. I know I can spend the time in a better way. Sometimes, that better way is to do nothing at all.

Now, I am pretty confident that I have let go all those details. However, if not for those changes, I cannot imagine I would voluntarily let go.

These are just the details, "unnecessary" ones which I had knew. Still, I needed the "changes" to force me to let go.

Imagine much bigger things. Check out this one below:

1) Should I let go my desire to get a successful career and wealth to avoid the stress and the potential failure?

Or

2) Should I let go my desire for a comfortable life to try to get successful and rich, for me and my beloved family?

I should say "Yes" to 1) if I can be sure that I just want a normal life.

- I earn enough to support my family, but wont be able to help my sons much when they grow up

- I will have a lot of free time to do things I like and can afford or simply do nothing

- I will not have the opportunity to experience extra-ordinary food or views and so on

- etc etc

The problem? I cannot be sure.

Then I should say "Yes" to 2) if I can be sure that I am determined to embrace all the challenges along the way and go all out to pursue career advancement and wealth.

- I get a CXO level position and earn a big fat paycheck to provide a very good life for me and my family

- I will have connections that can help my sons when they grow up

- I will not have the time to enjoy myself or being with my family

- etc etc

The problem? I cannot be sure either (only about the part with the "challenges" of course).

So what now?

I choose to say "Yes" to 2). I will continue to say "Yes" to 2) until it feels "nature" to say "Yes" to 1).

Why? Because I want to have options when I am still not sure.

Choosing 1) will shut my doors to 2), while choosing 2) keeps me the option to go to 1). If you are insecure like me, you would also think about the possibility that choosing 1) will not get me 1), but somewhere worse because the world is filled with uncertainties.

This is of course not ideal, but to me, that is the best choice before I get completely sure about what I want.

And I believe this is also the best choice for most of us who are not entirely sure about who we are and what we want yet.

Before I formally recommend this option to you, however, I do want to sound the alarm about its potential drawback: this could keep you from really finding out who you are and what you want, because options make it feel less "drastic".

As always, decide for yourself.

Till next time!