Dear Readers,
Thank you for coming here.
I recently reviewed very briefly my journey since last Dec. It was a really brief and short flash-back.
But yet, one observation was so evident that I just could not ignore it.
And that was how my "Thinking" had changed completely due to, I believe, the anchoring effect and the fear of loss.
Initially, when I was going to be unemployed, I was only thinking about finding another job in Singapore because I knew how much my family needed me to be present, for kids education, housing etc etc.
Honestly, going to China for a career was not even in the picture.
And No, I did not discuss with my wife. That was my thinking, not affected by my wife.
Then as things really happened and it was not getting better, and of course, my mentor reached out to offer me a position, my wife and I discussed and gradually accepted that I could go for it.
I guess under that kind of pressure, I or we had to "Let Go" some plans, such as the plan for kid to get the "best" education etc.
And it happened so naturally that I pretty much did not realize it.
Maybe the pandemic helped as well, e.g. no tuition was really running in the first months.
But I believe the pressure was the major reason.
That is what "tunnel vision" does to people: you completely could not see what is not in the tunnel.
Then 3-4 months later in June, when the VP in my previous company offered me the promotion to go back, I said No.
At that time, I was all thinking about my commitment to my mentor and long term career perspectives.
However, it was only during the recent short flash-back that I realized none of the reasons I had in the first place to stay in Singapore came into my mind, as if they never existed, during the decision making process.
My situation did not really change in Jun compared to last Dec. Yet, my thinking was completely different.
The explanation I have is
1) The anchoring effect: where you start determines where you go or get.
2) The fear of loss: you fear losing what you have now
In Dec, my starting point was my previous life, during which I spent quite some time with my family, such as with my elder son in his tuition etc.
And I did not want to give that up.
In Jun, however, my starting point became the China scenario, where I made a great commitment and I was working for the long term career goals.
And I did not want to give that up.
[Just to be clear, I am not regretting my decision in Jun.]
This is the "trap" we easily fall into when we do "Thinking". We think we are logical, but there are always "Blind Spots".
And it is really hard to see through all the "fog" to figure it out, especially under the pressure of making a decision.
If we are lucky, we will figure it out much later after the decision;
If we are not, we will never figure it out and it will be lost in the river of time. I guess that explains why some people are so confused about why their lives have come to what they are now.
I can only imagine how many such cases in my life have been missed out.
And this is why really knowing ourselves is so critical, and yet so hard.
On the other hand, however, maybe "Feelings" can help us escape those "traps" by being an indicator.
I felt really bad saying No to the VP in Jun, which could be because my "Feelings" were trying to tell me that I was missing something important.
Maybe another example could better illustrate this.
Before I lost my job, when everything was going fine, I always felt negative and insecure: what if this happens, what if that happens and to do that, I need to do much more now.
Maybe my "Feelings" were trying to point me to my "Blind Spot": my current situation is the best I can get at my current capability level, even though it is not enough for my ambition.
If I recall, pretty much all I did back then was complain, feel frustrated and unfairly treated. I did little to nothing to keep improving myself.
However, after I became unemployed and lost the most important income stream for me and my family, I felt positive and hope: In 2 years, I can achieve this and that and the life for my family will be like that.
This is a good feeling. Maybe it tells me that I am not missing any significant "Blind Spots" right now.
So consider both "Thinking" and "Feeling" in decision making!
Till next time!
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