Are you "Addicted" or are you living your life the way you should be?

 

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

Addiction is associated with all sorts of things that are perceived bad by people, like gambling, drugs, sex, video gaming…

I was educated to stay away from any kind of “addiction” so that I do not ruin my life.

But what is “Addiction” really?

There are many cases where I was given a concept and a lesson or a conclusion and I just took it with me in my life journey without really understanding it, let along doubting it or testing it.

This is also one of them.

I never seriously pursue the real meaning of the word “Addiction”, though I do sometimes ask myself: if I do what I like a lot a lot, is that considered addiction?

On one hand, I spend a lot of time in doing what I like a lot, which means I wont spend as much time as I should in things I should be doing, like studying.

On the other hand, I really enjoy spending time in those things. If this is addition, isn’t addiction the only way to enjoy life and shouldn’t we all pursue it?

These thoughts all flash through my mind without getting my attention.

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Until recently, I read about a definition about “Addiction”, which makes perfect sense to me.

Addiction is when our “Want” is bigger than our “Like”.

You might think how the two are different? 

We want to do something because we like it. The fact that we like something will lead us to want to do it.

Apparently, these two can be very different in certain cases.

“Want”: we pursue something and the success will make us feel satisfied. This is the reward of our actions.

“Like”: we enjoy the thing itself, which makes us happy.

Furthermore, they are controlled by two entirely different parts of our brain. So physically, there is room for them to be unlinked.

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Take gaming for example.

I picked up gaming in high school when I let a friend copy my answers in the exam, in exchange for playing with his computer.

I still remember the game was “Beach Head”. I was immediately hooked.

After entering university, without any supervision, I totally indulged myself in gaming. 

I played every shooting games I could find. I could literally forget about time, hunger and even myself while gaming. 

And I really enjoyed the experiences and the improvement in moving, aiming, shooting and studying the maps.

This lasted for a long time.

I think that was when my “Want” and “Like” was highly aligned. I really managed to waste my life on things I enjoyed, which, according to some, was the only way to spend our lives.

Then it came a time when I was more interested in installing the games and fixing whatever technical problems I might encounter, than playing the games themselves.

Sometimes, I would also lost patience to solve the game and looked for cheats. Or I just wanted to play through a game so that I could mark it as played.

I think that was when I had got “Addicted”. 

I “Want” to do something that I do not really “Like”.

It surely sounds like I have lost my “independence” and am manipulated by something else. And it is not within my control!

Therefore, “Addiction” does not bring happiness. It only brings suffering.

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Addiction is still hard to cure, even with the latest scientific achievements. 

We should focus on what we really “Like” in life, instead of achieving many “Wants”.

Till next time!

Murphy's Law & A Rethink On Investment

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here.

This is going to be a short post, just expressing some of my random thoughts.

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1. Murphy's law in my reality: It can always get worse

In my post "Monthly Net-Worth Update - Jan 2020", I wrote:

• From next week, I will be on a new job, one with likely lower net income, less stability, more stress, heavier workload, less free time and much more traveling. Hopefully, it will also provide more learning opportunities and in time, opportunities to advance in career and income.

I was thinking starting the new job was not ideal. I expressed similar feelings in a few other posts during that period too.

I was thinking that was bad enough. And I never thought for a minute that I would not even be able to start the job.

It can always get worse, and probably it will! (Touch wood)

Thinking about my life, I have had quite a few such cases and they all concentrate in the past 2 years or so. 

It could be due to my memory bias. 

But, I think it is time for me to adjust my expectations with life and be more cautious with both of my feet on the ground!

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2. A rethink on investment

In my post "Basics 03: My investment journey and outcome", I wrote:

• Secondly, my wife is abssessed now with some A-share active investment course. She has paid quite a bit tuition and is really eager to try. I don't know how to stop her. Guess I will just let her try it out.

I was pretty unsupportive at that time.

I was already putting time and efforts into investing. Why did she need to do it again?

And based on my understanding, she was not the very logical type of person and was vulnerable to sales pitches etc

But she insisted.

I never really showed interest in how she did, as I always believed she was just "trying it out" and she probably would just give it up after the initial "interest" faded. 

I also never thought she would do well.

Then she gave me an update yesterday and I was shocked!

She had made more profits within a much shorter period of time with a much smaller capital!

So her "8 months" has beaten my "2.5 years" and she did it with a much smaller capital.

I always believed in the buy-and-forget long-term approach. Well, the return so far has not been great.

Maybe it is because the time span is not long enough yet. 

On the other hand, am I being lazy and less open-minded?

My wife learned from the courses and acted. She tried so many things related to investing, while I read a few books in the beginning, fixed my strategy and have been lazy since then.

And I refuse to spend a penny on courses as I do not believe the learnings is valuable enough to not waste my time and money.

It is pretty evident in many aspects of life. 

My wife is more active and willing to try out new things, while I am more likely to be passive and refuse to accept new ideas.

Maybe I should get more active and open-minded!

[This is not to say the long-term approach is wrong.]

Till the next time!

"WANT" is a great thing!

 

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here.

I hope to get a bit further in the journey of convincing you and myself that "Want" is a great thing.

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1. "Need vs Want"? Nah!

Many of you must have heard about the "Need vs Want" argument, which is usually used to teach people to cut down their spending and save part of their paycheck for rainy days and for future planning.

I acknowledge its merit, especially when it comes to the people with low self-control. 

And I have been a firm believer, simply because it totally aligns with my belief and my actions.

However, I think I have been too good at this, to a point where I feel unsatisfied with myself.

Ever since I was little, my parents have been telling me that we are poor and we need to be frugal. And I was a good kid. So I almost always went for the most basic version of the basics.

As I grew up, I gradually discovered that I was unable to exercise a proper manner of consumption. 

Is it Need or Want to have a desktop to play games? 

I do have a laptop that can run some games with less than 30 FPS at low graphic settings. So I think that is "Want".

And I further reinforce my argument with remotely related arguments:

- Playing game is bad. I should not spend too much time on that.

- The game is not that great any way. There is an older game which is similar that your laptop can run.

- Even if you get that desktop, the pleasure will fade away very soon, before you even realize it.

- You will have other problems to destroy the pleasure further. What about there is quality problems? You will have to go through all the troubles to fix it.

- ... ...

The result? 

I still spent time in gaming anyway but only get the discounted pleasure because of the lagging performance. 

On top of that, I spent more time reading about that desktop online. 

Worst of all, I consumed a huge amount of "self-discipline" in the process.

And of course, I started questioning myself why I cannot just get that desktop. And inevitably, I grew increasingly unsatisfied about myself.

And that negatively impacts almost everything in life.

Initially, I thought that was because I did not have enough money and I had to prepare for the future.

And then I realized that had nothing to do with how much money I had or did not have. And a thousand dollars wont have any noticeable impact in our financial standing either.

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2. "I envy those students who sell their kidneys for an iPhone!"

The point is that refraining ourselves too much from "Want" can hurt our ability and WILL to pursue what we desire and most importantly what we deserve.

We start to believe we do not deserve those and grow fearful of making efforts to get them.

But, what is wrong with "wanting" a luxury life, or a stupidly expensive toy, or success? Isn't that what majority of humans want? Isn't that what motivates us?

Do not become that guy who envies the students who sell their kidneys for an iPhone because he "wants" nothing and feels dead.

I recalled a English competition just before I started university.

My main competitor was a guy I did not like. But his English vocabulary was much bigger than mine.

And the competition tested on vocabulary. Basically, who could gather the most words in the shortest time would win. 

I wanted to beat him so much that I spent every evening memorizing words, even though I also wanted to watch movies or play games together with my peers.

On the day of the competition, the rule changed to allow cooperation. Many participants did not want to team up because they would have to split the rewards or simply because they did not care about winning. 

I found the first guy and told him that he could keep the rewards if we won, but the competition would be under my name. He agreed.

And my name came up as the third place. 

The guy I did not like? He was the second.

I did not beat him, but I think I managed to keep my face.

If I had not wanted to win so badly, I wont team up, let along give up the rewards. And If I had not teamed up, I probably wont stand a chance of being in the top 5.

Back then, I felt embarrassed when my peers came to congratulate me and I did not have the rewards.  

But if I think back now, I can only admire my commitment and bravery at that time! 

I cannot recall the last time I have wanted something this badly after that.

And I can only imagine how much more I would have achieved if I kept that commitment.

Therefore, what matters is your action.

"WANT" is a great thing if you can use it to push yourself into commitment and the fighting mode and stay there.

If you do not act and only "want", maybe you should let it go just to have a more peaceful life.

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3. Successful people wont struggle upon "Need vs Want". They simply focus on getting what they want.

Look at all those successful and young high-level management and entrepreneurs. They all have a strong desire and clear and ambitious goal and they relentlessly work to achieve them.

- Trying everything to secure the funding

- Advocating their vision like a mad man

- Stalking their clients to the washroom

- ... ...

So stop pretending that you do not care.

If you want something, go and get it! This is only way to live!

Till next time!