2022 Year-End Summary

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

If I look back at 2022 a few years later, I suppose it would be significant to me. As we approach the end of 2022, I would like to write a quick summary for it.

2022 started with an excitement(1) for me, but that excitement quickly turned into a long, hard and miserable struggle(2), which caused me self-doubt(3) but also pushed me to rethink about a lot of things(4) in life. Just when all that misery peaked and I started wondering how I could ever get out of it(5), I was extremely lucky to land on my feet(6) in the last month of 2022, which granted me a new start(7) in 2023.

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1.Excitement 

I got the opportunity in late 2021 and I was more than ready to shine coming into 2022. 

The opportunity seemed perfect to me in every way possible. I emphasized to myself repeatedly how perfect it was and I was ready to stay for life. 

I still remember optimistically predicting that we would have a good chance hitting our 40/40 target in 2022 at the beginning of the year. 

I was excited and confident coming into 2022.

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2.Struggle

I started to struggle in February when I got on a new project. 

I really wanted to make it and gave my best. This also caused me to take everything on myself. 

After working for like 20 hours a day for almost 2 months, the result was that people thought I had a skill gap and I started to doubt myself. 

I was given another chance, but again same struggle. 

I pushed and pushed, refusing to give up or give in, relying almost solely on willpower. But the more I insisted, the bigger the resistance seemed.

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3.Self-doubt

The situation seemed hopeless and I was in deep self-doubt and despair. 

I started to lose myself. 

On one hand, I accepted people’s comments about me, no matter whether they were appropriate or justified. I just did not have the stamina or courage to argue. 

On the other hand, I could not help doubting people’s intention. I had always been a guy who assumed best intention of others. But I could no longer keep myself on the “best intention” path at that time. 

What’s worse, I also lost all judgement. I could not tell what comments were good for me or for my sake and what comments were not…

I was a mess by July and decided it was best to walk away.

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4.Rethinking about a lot of things

After I walked away, I started to look for a new path and at the same time, I got the break I needed. 

I did not actively or deliberately think over what happened, I just waited to let things sink in. Gradually, different perspectives came to me, some of which were completely opposite to what I had believed in. 

I started to re-think about the real meaning of life and re-evaluate the importance of money and how much I really needed. I thought about social dynamics, being smart vs dump, hard work vs smart work etc etc.

This lasted for 4.5 months. I experienced countless rounds of emotional roller coaster. But I needed this recovery period.

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5.Wondering how I could ever get out of it

By Oct, I started to panic and wonder whether I would ever find my new path. 

After a few seemingly-sure-win opportunities did not work out, that panic and self-doubt got worse. Even though my wife was so understanding and only comforted me, not adding a single bit of pressure, the pressure inevitably built up. 

I started to reset my expectations and was ready to compromise more. Nevertheless, there was not much I could do. That feeling was not good at all!

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6.Landing on my feet

The opportunity finally came. 

It was not perfect in a lot of ways, compared to the previous one which I could not grasp. But it gave me the chance to start over. 

I compromised for it, prepared for it and pushed for it. The most important thing was that I got it. 

And believe it or not, I had more opportunities knocking afterwards. I guess that was the irony of life. 

But I felt extremely lucky!

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7.A new start

After a few weeks, the opportunity seemed good. I again have a new start for next year. I can even say that I am again excited for next year. 

But I will be more prepared this time, speeding up my learning and growth, and at the same time, anticipating signs of danger so that I do not walk into the same struggle.

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2022, to me, was everything but meaningless. Like all my frustrations before, I am sure I will feel fortunate having experienced 2022, if I look back a few years later.

Till next time!

The grass is always greener on the other side

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

The grass is always greener on the other side.

This is human nature.

I see it in my friends and I definitely see it in myself.

For me, a lot of this originates from greed. I want the best of both options.

For example, my concerns about risks were addressed and then I was worried about not being able to maximize the benefits.

For example, I was given the opportunity to thrive and then I started to complain about the lack of personal time.

… …

This is just childish and refusing to grow up.

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Four steps to address this:

1. Know what is realistic

The world runs on its own rules. And most of time, we have to give up something to get something else. 

Know what we want and what we are wiling to give up.

Bear in mind that this might change. The more we know, the more we see, the clearer it will be.

Of course, a little help goes a long way.

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2. Make the trade-off decision

Make the decision, knowing clearly this is what I want and this is what I can give up in order to get what I want.

Most of the time, there are no right or wrong trade-offs.

We can pick money or more free time. We can pick reducing risks or maximizing benefits…

It largely depends on our own preferences. But we need to know whatever we pick is our preference and we need to get the expectation clear — We will NOT get the best of both worlds.

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3. Stick to it

Stick to your decision and try to make the best of it. 

Do not waver at the first sign of frustration. Do not look around. Stay focused.

Many times, we make our decisions right.

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4. Never doubt ourselves

Even though many decisions are just preferences and we actually have quite some power to make our decisions right, we will still make wrong decisions for sure, especially looking back when the dust has set. 

I have made many wrong decisions, some of which are really costly, setting back my life for many years.

We need to be ok with it and also know that the next opportunity will always come as long as we do not give up.

And being clear on the trade-off and expectations makes it a lot easier.

The last thing we should do is doubt ourselves because that will affect our happiness, confidence, and capability to pursue what we want at the most fundamental level.

It extinguishes the sparks inside us that really makes us us! And it is really hard to re-ignite it!

So if you are doubting yourselves like I am, please stop it and tell yourself — I am who I am and I am on my way to my goals. Not a single bit of my efforts or experiences will be a waste.

 

To us all! And Till next time!