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| Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash |
Dear Readers,
Thank you for coming here!
If I look back at 2022 a few years later, I suppose it would be significant to me. As we approach the end of 2022, I would like to write a quick summary for it.
2022 started with an excitement(1) for me, but that excitement quickly turned into a long, hard and miserable struggle(2), which caused me self-doubt(3) but also pushed me to rethink about a lot of things(4) in life. Just when all that misery peaked and I started wondering how I could ever get out of it(5), I was extremely lucky to land on my feet(6) in the last month of 2022, which granted me a new start(7) in 2023.
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| Photo by Riley McCullough on Unsplash |
1.Excitement
I got the opportunity in late 2021 and I was more than ready to shine coming into 2022.
The opportunity seemed perfect to me in every way possible. I emphasized to myself repeatedly how perfect it was and I was ready to stay for life.
I still remember optimistically predicting that we would have a good chance hitting our 40/40 target in 2022 at the beginning of the year.
I was excited and confident coming into 2022.
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| Photo by Radu Florin on Unsplash |
2.Struggle
I started to struggle in February when I got on a new project.
I really wanted to make it and gave my best. This also caused me to take everything on myself.
After working for like 20 hours a day for almost 2 months, the result was that people thought I had a skill gap and I started to doubt myself.
I was given another chance, but again same struggle.
I pushed and pushed, refusing to give up or give in, relying almost solely on willpower. But the more I insisted, the bigger the resistance seemed.
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| Photo by Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash |
3.Self-doubt
The situation seemed hopeless and I was in deep self-doubt and despair.
I started to lose myself.
On one hand, I accepted people’s comments about me, no matter whether they were appropriate or justified. I just did not have the stamina or courage to argue.
On the other hand, I could not help doubting people’s intention. I had always been a guy who assumed best intention of others. But I could no longer keep myself on the “best intention” path at that time.
What’s worse, I also lost all judgement. I could not tell what comments were good for me or for my sake and what comments were not…
I was a mess by July and decided it was best to walk away.
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| Photo by Jill Heyer on Unsplash |
4.Rethinking about a lot of things
After I walked away, I started to look for a new path and at the same time, I got the break I needed.
I did not actively or deliberately think over what happened, I just waited to let things sink in. Gradually, different perspectives came to me, some of which were completely opposite to what I had believed in.
I started to re-think about the real meaning of life and re-evaluate the importance of money and how much I really needed. I thought about social dynamics, being smart vs dump, hard work vs smart work etc etc.
This lasted for 4.5 months. I experienced countless rounds of emotional roller coaster. But I needed this recovery period.
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| Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash |
5.Wondering how I could ever get out of it
By Oct, I started to panic and wonder whether I would ever find my new path.
After a few seemingly-sure-win opportunities did not work out, that panic and self-doubt got worse. Even though my wife was so understanding and only comforted me, not adding a single bit of pressure, the pressure inevitably built up.
I started to reset my expectations and was ready to compromise more. Nevertheless, there was not much I could do. That feeling was not good at all!
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| Photo by Matt Duncan on Unsplash |
6.Landing on my feet
The opportunity finally came.
It was not perfect in a lot of ways, compared to the previous one which I could not grasp. But it gave me the chance to start over.
I compromised for it, prepared for it and pushed for it. The most important thing was that I got it.
And believe it or not, I had more opportunities knocking afterwards. I guess that was the irony of life.
But I felt extremely lucky!
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| Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash |
7.A new start
After a few weeks, the opportunity seemed good. I again have a new start for next year. I can even say that I am again excited for next year.
But I will be more prepared this time, speeding up my learning and growth, and at the same time, anticipating signs of danger so that I do not walk into the same struggle.
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| Photo by Angèle Kamp on Unsplash |
2022, to me, was everything but meaningless. Like all my frustrations before, I am sure I will feel fortunate having experienced 2022, if I look back a few years later.
Till next time!
