Path of life…

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Dear Readers,

Than you for coming here!

Fate does not only determine where we will end up, but also how we will get there.

At least, it feels like that sometimes.

I had a chat recently with an ex-colleague, who I am working with now for the next month or so.

Like me, he was in a very comfortable position in life.

Like me, he could not just enjoy it, feeling it was wrong and insecure to relax like that.

Like me, he “got out of his comfort zone”.

Unlike me, he did not experience any major set-back.

But like me, he was also struggling a bit, questioning himself why he could not just go with the flow and had to put himself in the struggling situation.

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On the contrary, I also know people who are really good at enjoying life.

They may not make a lot of money, but they feel everything is in control. Even if something goes wrong, they just know that they will be ok.

I sincerely admire their sense of security and how relaxed they are.

I cannot help thinking sometimes that this may be the right way with life.

I tried to categorize the two types of people based on the background or traits, which did not really yield any convincing results.

If anything, first-generation immigrants exhibit more behaviors towards the former, while locals with big families tend to lead towards the latter.

This makes logical sense though. 

Immigrants have to sort out many things all by themselves in the new environment, while having a big family locally means help and support on many issues, big and small.

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Personally, I feel my path to where I belong is hard work.

The only opportunity I had to achieve “Financial Freedom” in a few years turned out to be a serious set-back, even though I was so close to it.

4 years in the stock market left me with a huge paper loss.

Now, I stretch myself every day with work. I could not even stop thinking about it while eating.

But unbelievable as it is, I feel good: productive, fulfilled, valued and even confident.

Well, surely seems that is my path.

What is yours?

Till next time!

Danger is a fact, but fear is a choice

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Dear Readers.

Thank you for coming here! 

World is full of danger, but fear is a choice.

We know the danger is real, because shit has happened so many times;

We know the fear is real, because we have been put through very difficult situations so many times.

We can be extremely conservative to avoid the danger as much as possible.

But that could be the danger itself.

One typical example is someone saying “No” to better job offers to avoid the risk in the transition and the “danger” of “cannot make it”.

However, the danger will be real when his current job goes downhill or when his growth potential disappears.

He may not be able to secure another comparable position when he needs to, because he has been in his comfortable zone for too long.

So it is “danger” no matter he takes the offer or rejects it.

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So how?

While it is a fact that the danger exists, it is a choice how we deal with the fear.

From a practical point, focusing too much on fear only paralyzes us. We have to live with it and be cautious along the way.

To do that, it is advisable to think it through before making the decision.

A good tool is the Six Thinking Hat, where we take on different “roles” and “perspectives” to assess the same issue.

That way, we are our own “Think Tank”.

While “Blue” and “White” hats typically are used in the beginning of the process, there is no restriction on the sequence of the hats and how many times we can put on each hat.

From my experience, decision typically comes to us while we have the “RED” hat on, which means we start to feel confident that this is “right” or “wrong” after round(s) of collecting facts and information, structuring thoughts, assessing positive and negative aspects and trying to come out with creative ideas to deal with problems at hand.

From Internet

However, no methodology or tool can guarantee right decisions.

So the next part is implementation and consequence management.

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During implementation, it is important that we stay cautious. 

The biggest risk comes when we start to feel too confident or even arrogant after some intermediate successes.

We start to get lazy. 

We start to base our decisions on imaginations, instead of facts.

We start to think we are above certain things or people.

We start to avoid communication and feedback.

etc etc

Mistakes are almost bound to happen and they will mostly likely take us by surprise.

The result?

Serious set-backs, painful experiences and even scars. 

Their impact can last well beyond the short term.

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We do our best in implementation. 

But when consequences happen, no matter the reason, we need to accept them, bear them and take the full responsibility for them.

Afterwards, we will work to improve things.

It is almost never the end game unless we accept it.

And when a door closes, a window will open.

No need to hurry. It could take some time for us to see the window.

The most important thing is to put ourselves together and set out again.

Never underestimate our own resilience. 

And by the way, this will happen a few times in life for most people.

We just cannot avoid them.

Call it fate.

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If we are blessed with success at the end of implementation, enjoy it and use it as our next starting point if we want to keep going (no shame in stopping if that is what we want).

Most importantly, never forget to be grateful.

Remember there are people who are equally qualified for success, but suffering from set-backs due to factors they have little control over.

If we know them, we should help them.

What comes around goes around and what goes around comes around.

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In the end

Danger is a fact, but fear is a choice.

We have to live with fear and keep going forward.

Try to think it through before making decisions.

Try to stay cautious during implementation.

Bear the consequences and work to improve things.

When met with success, be grateful and help others.

To us all!

Till next time!

Whatever happens is the best arrangement

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

Whatever happens is the best arrangement!

I have heard this phrase so many times. 

Very vaguely, I thought it might make sense, but definitely would be more for comforting people.

Recently, I think I might have found a way to explain it logically.

This is how balance is always restored, through frustrations.

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1. Whatever happens is the best arrangement for individuals

If people are meant for something, frustrations provide them opportunities to get stronger. 

Frustrations also provide opportunities for others to witness their determination, commitment and improved capabilities, boosting people’s confidence in them to support them till they take their places in the circle of life.

Similarly, if people are not meant for it, frustrations provide them opportunities to realize that and pursue other things that they are meant for.

Frustrations also provide opportunities for others to witness their change of course, so that the people in the original track will stop wasting resources supporting them and the people in the new track might see their potential and start investing in them.

If there is really circle of life, then frustrations put people in their places.

And being in the wrong place is probably the most pathetic cause for certain failure.

So whatever happens is the best arrangement for individuals.

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2. Whatever happens is the best arrangement for systems

For a system to last, it needs stability above all else.

To maintain stability, rules are created.

And whoever does not follow the rules gets punished, which is a major source of “Frustrations”.

These frustrations again put people in their places and in turn, maintain the stability of the systems.

Call it scarifying the few for the benefits of many.

So whatever happens is the best arrangement for systems.

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Summary

We do live in harmony, where the “best arrangement” is aligned among both individuals and systems.

Till next time!

One Tragedy, Two Families…

 

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

The heart breaking incident grabbed the heart of many in Singapore.

Sorrow and worries spread across all the chat groups.

While it is not possible to make it unhappen, we should do something to minimize it.

Efforts could be made from many different fronts.

As commoners, we should try as much as possible to avoid putting ourselves in front of dangerous people.

If we are unlucky to just come across someone who just wants to draw some blood, there is little we could do other than just trying to protect ourselves by running or fighting. 

Fate could be a bitch!

There are many potential “mines” too, where people might be looking for a “reason” to unleash their anger.

These can be prevented. We should be careful not to give them what they want.

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1.Which goat backs down?

Two goats meet on a very narrow and dangerous bridge, below which is abyss.

They go in opposite directions and cannot walk past each other. Neither one of them wants to back down.

And if neither of them backs down, they will be exhausted standing on the bridge and staring at each other, and both will fall into the abyss and die.

So one has to back down.

But which one?

It is hard to make any good decision if both goals are identical.

What if they are not?

Let’s say Goat A has terminal disease and will die in less than a week, while Goat B just strikes Toto and wins 10 Million dollars and it has a lovely family to go back to.

Now the answer becomes obvious. 

Goat B should back down, because Goat B has more to lose if they both die.

This has little to do with personality, morality or value systems. This is pure logical cost analysis.

And Goat B probably needs to back down fast. What if Goat A just wants to draw some blood and die?

This is not cowardly. This is wisdom.

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2.In a more general sense…

Fortunately, extreme cases are rare.

In a more general sense, a good way to get rid of those potential “mines” is to choose our “Circle”.

Within the circle of happy people, successful people, rich people, educated people, the chances are much lower.

Only lower. Definitely not zero. Remember fate is present.

But the chances are meaningfully lower.

And the way I know to enter a better “Circle” is to focus on our lives.

Go to a 5-star restaurant to reduce the possibility of seeing people fighting for a few dollars.

Surround yourself with lovely families to reduce the possibility of being drawn in hate.

Join a fast-growing industry and organization to reduce the possibility of being buried in politics.

…

Growth is one of the “Truths” in life, if not the only one.

Till next time!

Passengers

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

I watched the movie “Passenger” during the weekend.

I first got to know this movie from the beautiful song “Light Years Away” by G.E.M.

I have read some reviews and got to know the storyline.

But it was the first time I had watched the full movie.

It was beautiful and provoked quite some thoughts!

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1.We all have dreams. We thought we could create our fate.

Coming to the world, most of us think this way.

When we met the world and said “Hello World” for the first time, we most likely were seeing such a big world there for us to grab.

Aurora Lane wanted to be the first write who experienced two worlds and write great stories. She believed ordinal lives could only breed ordinal stories. 

She designed her “Lane” to her dream and joined the migration. 

Jim Preston wanted to put his skills into use and build something. He believed that in earth, people just replaced things instead of fixing them (no second chances…).

He pursued a new world and joined the migration.

The spaceship is called “Avalon”. They both wanted to reach the “Legendary Island” to realize their dreams.

Like Aurora and Jim, we all have dreams too and I am sure we design our journey to realize them. 

We all willingly believe we can make things better with our hard work, great wisdom etc etc

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2.In fact, we are passengers. We go where Fate takes us.

What could logically explain Aurora’s experience?

The faulty sleeping pods “cannot happen”. Three of them did in this one ship on this one journey.

Out of 5000 passengers, Jim picked Aurora and after months of struggling, he woke her up.

Shortly after Aurora found out the truth, the ship had major problems and they had to focus on saving the ship.

…

Only fate could explain it.

I can totally feel when Aurora said “ you take away my life” and “this is murder”.

She had dreams and she designed a path to them and everything was working towards the destination.

And everything was just ruined all of a sudden and none of this was her fault.

If anything, I really think the movie could have spent more efforts in describing Aurora’s feelings! （Maybe the impact was reduced since I knew the stories already…I hate the reviews and I hate me for reading it.）

Coupled with my own experiences, I have learned not to attribute one’s success all to himself and not to attribute others’ failure all to themselves.

Fate is present and it dominates.

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3.However, Aurora is beautiful

Aurora is so dynamic and disconnected and unpredictable.

But Aurora is beautiful!

Maybe fate is too!

After fixing the ship, they discovered that Med Bay could be used as a sleep pod.

Aurora had the opportunity to go back to her original life and plan. 

Things could be made right again!

She did not take it. She decided to embrace this life, one that would be totally different from her dreams and intentions.

According to the movie, they had a great life together.

Maybe Fate takes care of us.

Maybe whatever happens is the best. 

But one thing is for sure: We cannot get too hanged up on where we would rather be that we forget to make the most out of where we are. 

Life is too short and that is no way to lead a full life!

Till next time and Happy Hari Raya！

“Living a life is like being raped. If you cannot resist, just lie down and enjoy”

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Dear Readers,

Thank you for coming here!

My progress has again been hindered by the mistake I made 3.5 years ago.

Fair or not, it is what happened.

However, I feel not so bad about it this time!

Naturally, I was again brought back to the scene mentally. 

I thought I would again feel wronged and feel like shit for a while and then helplessly move on, like so many times in the past.

To my surprise, I found myself recalling only the good “reactions” of the people involved, and that made me feel better.

Previously, I always thought I did not deserve it and resented the behaviors of some people involved in the incident. 

They could have easily prevented the incident from happening. Instead, they made things worse unnecessarily. 

Previously, I also told myself that I could only blame myself . But that was mostly from a practical point of view. 

Punishing those people is not within my circle of influences. If it were, I believe I would have acted long time back. So I told myself I could only blame myself.

Now, however, I think I really see the point why I can only blame myself.

People were not evil and I was ultimately responsible for my own mistake, intentionally or not.

These thoughts have allowed me to feel not so bad about the recent setback.

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The second reason why I do not feel as bad is what I have experienced. 

During the past 2 years, I have been in similar situations multiple times.

Mentally, I have been there, so it is less scary now. 

Practically, I can do much better in risk management. So the consequence won’t be nearly as bad as what I experienced last year. 

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The third reason, probably also the most important one, is that I start to take a different perspective.

Will it really be better for me to lead a busy and tough life with the hope to become successful and rich one day, compared to living a relaxing life where I can probably still have enough money to get by?

I have always pursued the former, because I want to have options, because I have the desire to prove myself and because I have been educated to do so.

After the incident, I had one more reason to stick to the former. I really do not accept that one single mistake can limit my life in any way.

I have been fighting against it.

I never really allowed myself to think about what I really want. I never thought I deserved the “luxury”.

But once I start to take that thoughts, things look different.

All the lost opportunities during the past 2–3 years, including the recent one, are basically just “trades” — I spend much more time in work and expose myself to much more pressure, to trade for much more learnings, money and higher positions.

I did not get those opportunities and therefore, I had time to maintain this blog and do many other things, including sitting in the sofa and look stupid.

The opportunities are not pure gain or loss situations. They simply allow me the option to carry out the trades. 

I have been miserable for being denied those options to trade.

I have never evaluated whether those trades are indeed good for me. If they are not, why would I need the options in the first place?

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Since fate has been so insistent in keeping me in the latter, maybe I should accept and relax and see where life takes me.

I can give up planning everything ahead, worrying about potential risks in the future that may never happen, and taking all the responsivities on my own shoulder. I can simply relax.

A joke was very popular over the internet a decade ago:

• Living a life is like being raped. If you cannot resist, just lie down and enjoy. 

Once a wise man gave his opinion:

• Life is hard itself and it is fine as long as you have tried your best.

Maybe I can just relax and things could just work out, because so far, it surely feels “The harder I fight, the deeper I am trapped”.

Till next time!