“Being a manager means you cannot always be the nice guy you want to be”
I have been told this a while back. But I kind of refused to accept it.
So I have been trying my best to deliver quality results while being nice, even though this often means I have to work extra hard and even though sometimes I do not even get the recognition/understanding for my good intention.
But just as all people who do not accept reality, I come to the pivotal point.
I start to push harder and demand more, while knowing that this is still within the reasonable range.
After all, the success of the team depends on every member of the team doing their part.
Otherwise, the team wont be as efficient or effective as it should be, even though some members are willing to take the extra load.
Just imagine when such a team goes head to head against another team which has a manager who can ensure everyone in his/her team does their part.
The first team will lost, no matter how hard the manager works.
And when that happens and everyone in that team loses their jobs, it is hard not to pin the manager on the failure board. How hard he works does not matter.
If I look back at 2022 a few years later, I suppose it would be significant to me. As we approach the end of 2022, I would like to write a quick summary for it.
2022 started with an excitement(1) for me, but that excitement quickly turned into a long, hard and miserable struggle(2), which caused me self-doubt(3) but also pushed me to rethink about a lot of things(4) in life. Just when all that misery peaked and I started wondering how I could ever get out of it(5), I was extremely lucky to land on my feet(6) in the last month of 2022, which granted me a new start(7) in 2023.
The situation seemed hopeless and I was in deep self-doubt and despair.
I started to lose myself.
On one hand, I accepted people’s comments about me, no matter whether they were appropriate or justified. I just did not have the stamina or courage to argue.
On the other hand, I could not help doubting people’s intention. I had always been a guy who assumed best intention of others. But I could no longer keep myself on the “best intention” path at that time.
What’s worse, I also lost all judgement. I could not tell what comments were good for me or for my sake and what comments were not…
I was a mess by July and decided it was best to walk away.
After I walked away, I started to look for a new path and at the same time, I got the break I needed.
I did not actively or deliberately think over what happened, I just waited to let things sink in. Gradually, different perspectives came to me, some of which were completely opposite to what I had believed in.
I started to re-think about the real meaning of life and re-evaluate the importance of money and how much I really needed. I thought about social dynamics, being smart vs dump, hard work vs smart work etc etc.
This lasted for 4.5 months. I experienced countless rounds of emotional roller coaster. But I needed this recovery period.
By Oct, I started to panic and wonder whether I would ever find my new path.
After a few seemingly-sure-win opportunities did not work out, that panic and self-doubt got worse. Even though my wife was so understanding and only comforted me, not adding a single bit of pressure, the pressure inevitably built up.
I started to reset my expectations and was ready to compromise more. Nevertheless, there was not much I could do. That feeling was not good at all!
After a few weeks, the opportunity seemed good. I again have a new start for next year. I can even say that I am again excited for next year.
But I will be more prepared this time, speeding up my learning and growth, and at the same time, anticipating signs of danger so that I do not walk into the same struggle.
2022, to me, was everything but meaningless. Like all my frustrations before, I am sure I will feel fortunate having experienced 2022, if I look back a few years later.
For the navy, the transition took a long while from “Battleships-dominated” theory to “Aircraft carrier centered” warfare.
When the Americans initially tried to hit ships in the open sea with air attack in 1942, the efficiency were extremely low and all sorts of incredible mistakes were made. There were countless descriptions in the book:
Spy planes mis-communicated the critical intel, leading the whole air squadron to attack less significant targets while leaving the fleet vulnerable
Attack squadrons could not find enemy fleet somehow, even though the correct coordinates were communicated to them
Radio did not work, so the commander dare not give orders to the squadrons in the air, worrying that this would confuse pilots to death
Planes could not find their carriers, or even tried to land on enemy carriers
Tons of bombs dropped without hitting a single target
Pilots risked their lives to release torpedoes that did not work
US air squadrons could not even form formation in the air and execute coordinated attacks
But only one year later, in 1943/1944, similar descriptions started to disappear and were replaced with only simple terms of how many ships were sunk and how many planes were lost.
No more drama in the attack. Luck was no longer a factor. Ships expected to be hit when they saw enemy planes…
This showed that the US fleet had increased their air attack capabilities in the open sea.
And only then it could be said that aircraft carriers had become a dominating factor in the naval warfare.
Of course, the learning journey came with its own costs — ships that were sunk, planes that were destroyed, crews that were killed…
But that was the only way.
On the other hand, the British, as the traditional naval superpower of the world, was completed missing in this journey.
So they dominated nothing after the war and were never again a superpower.
I read a blog post yesterday and it just struck me.
The blog post was written by a lady consultant who spent a few years in Shanghai and a few years in Beijing.
The post was about the difference between the two mega cities in China.
Her observation was so accurate and deep that even I could recognize it, as someone whose life would be totally different from hers.
Thinking about the years I spent in Shanghai, I got feelings about those traits from time to time, but I never really thought about it, let alone summarizing and sharing it.
Thinking back about my experiences then, the reason behind was really whether what I did was following or against those traits.
